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This Is What We Woke Up To.

by Messes

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1.
I've been through this hell/ I can't get a grip. My mom tells me to pray more/ my dad just stopped talking altogether. I'll call when I grow up. I'll act like a whole new person. I could finally go into the store without an upper or a reasurance that my friends still give a shit. But the whole time I was just a nervous little shit. nothing to care for or a shoulder to turn on. so i packed up my guts up off the floor and spilled them all over my loved ones. you'd quit me if you had the chance. just like me/ I quit you. it's so goddamn calming crying over him or her or not knowing where i'll end up. I could just play along.
2.
this isn't some cry for help/ or a way to fit in. I can't make it home/ I couldn't see the road through my clinched fists/ and the pathetic lump in my throat. I don't feel normal anymore I never really did in the first goddamn place. I'll never be like him or her. the son of a pastor/ the kid to never hear that his father was proud. I tried to pray ended up writing down everyone and everything I forgot to give a shit about. But at least I'm not angry anymore.
3.
4.
If you had the chance/ to fix the things you do/ to fix who you are/ would you? or could you bare/ knowing you've become so emotionally detached from everyone and everything you've ever loved. I'd like to think I would. But on these nights/ I just pull my car to the side of the road and cry/ until my dad calls and tells me "son, it's time to come home." but my heart just stops. my fingers won't let me go forward/ I try to say " I'M SORRY" for the last time. just like the last time. maybe I'll never understand why I lose control/ or why I can't find comfort in sex or god or your pretty little smile. It's been gnawing at my insides. I need to untie my guts from this knot inside my stomach and throat it's my last bit of honesty. I'M SORRY!

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Recorded August 2012.

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released August 24, 2012

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Messes Lexington, Kentucky

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